Day 30 – Reflect 

It’s been a long month of reflection for me. I both look forward to and dread this month of reflection daily. I open up my grieving heart to anyone that will listen (well, read) my long posts. It is part of my gift to myself each year. October is the month of pregnancy and child loss. I coincides with Zachary’s birthday and my birthday each year. Those days are hard enough as they are but to chose to write my feelings is difficult but rewarding It’s not easy to let others into your pain. The worry on how it will be received is tempered by my need to emote. The new me here in the after cares more about my feelings then how it is received. I have received both positive and negative feedback but it hasn’t stopped me. The positive support drives me to write more and worry less. 

 In 2014, I set out to write something each day of this capture your grief project and I accomplished it. After that accomplishment, I set out to do it each year I could and this is my 3rd year running.

 I have learned about my grief through this daily mindful practice; The good, the bad and the horribly ugly. I quietly read and examine my grief in my self privately the rest of the year. It’s safe. This project is difficult because it is my writing in all its vulnerabilty and imperfection on display. I have learned through my Brene Brown obsession that vulnerability is necessary and beautiful. As Brene Brown says, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.” 

I am strong. I can continue this journey for another year. 

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