In my life after Zachary’s death, the colors disappeared. Everything was shades of black and gray. One day flowing into the next with no joy. It was survival, not life.
Now, years later the colors have started to return. They are muted but starting to return. The question of today is to talk about what you are passionate about. I can say I am passionate about supporting my friends, family and patients. This has always been my passion to be present with these people. Be a light in the darkness. One of the reasons I went into speech language pathology was to help people one at a time.
Experiencing my own broken journey of loss physically and emotionally has created a new depth to my heart. I have had the experience of truly being dependent on others – for pain medication, tolieting, showering, drinking, and moving. It was a humbling experience. It was difficult to keep my dignity when I was in a dependent place. I relied on others to give of themselves to help me. I had to trust. I had to stop pushing and let go in order to progress.
The same can be said about my emotional journey. Stop pushing and let go. Stop running from the wave of emotion and let it happen. Let the tears flow as the emotions overtook me. Like my mom always said, “tears are like a shower for your soul”. The wisdom of my mom helped me understand that tears were not weakness they were necessary to heal and grow.