Charles R. Swindoll says “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”
Like many people, I have had more than my fair share of horrible things happen to me. The worst thing was the car accident that took Zachary’s life. Since that day, people have told me “you are so strong” and “I don’t think I could deal with this like you”. I didn’t plan on being “strong” or “deal with it” at all. It was what happened to me. My choice is the reaction. That is what I had control over.
So I reacted. I lost it. I thought I was crazy at times. The grief was overwhelming. It drown me. The strength that others see and comment on has been built over time. It’s the endurance built during this grief journey.
The uncontrollable tears.
The take your breath away depth of your soul ache.
It happens over and over.
Somehow, I still get up in the morning and put one foot in front of the other. The waves of grief and inconsolable moments are fewer and further between giving me time to breath and love again. I have grown strong enough begin to carry this grief instead of falling with the weight of it. Don’t get me wrong. The heart wrenching, tear soaked moments still happen and will keep happening. It’s part of this love/grief journey. It will not break my spirit.
Tonight at my support group, we talked, cried and even laughed (ok mostly because I make crazy comments but come on it’s me). It’s healing. It’s moments like this that help to soothe my aching soul. I am not alone.
My heart has a huge hole right through the middle that hasn’t broken completely. It’s supported by all the love and support of those around me that help give me a moment of space on this journey. A moment of respite as we continue on our individual paths. A moment to realize the resilience of the human heart and spirit. Like a bench on a long hike, we find that moment of rest to continue moving forward again with new strength.