It’s Christmas Eve 2016, we are getting ready for Santa and to celebrate another year. The holidays bring joy and sadness to me. This ornament Zachary made for me the last Christmas we were together. Three years now. It doesn’t seem like it’s been that long and yet, it has been an eternity. The pain of missing him at this time of year is palatable every moment. Every Christmas song, cup of cocoa, child’s joyous laughter and present reminds me of you. I know you are here in your spirit which lends peace to this pain.
One memory that comes to mind is Zachary at Christmas at 3 years old. We had just welcomed Grace into our little family of three. We were living in a small apartment, just us. Our little Grace joined us and he was so excited to pick out her stocking and presents. Grandma was here visiting and I went to pick out a tree while you were napping. We set up the tree including the angel on top and waited for you to wake up to decorate it with ornaments. Zachary came downstairs and abruptly stopped when seeing the new tree. Zachary sweetly said, “Mommy, why is the tooth fairy on top of that tree”.
The same year, Zachary was determined, as he always was, to get outside with a present. I finally gave in as long as he wore his coat and boots and stayed where I could see him. In the small amount of snow, he promptly walked to our neighbor (who was kinda grumpy) and said “I found this for you. I hope you like it. Merry Christmas”. He had brought her an angel from our tree. She promptly hugged him and thanked him. The next day, she brought him a small reindeer with candy and with tears in her eyes said he was the sweetest boy she ever met. She was alone in this area with her son who had passed away a few years before. He brought joy to her day.
I miss his laughter, his eyes, his hugs and all the other small things that make up life. I am blessed to be his mom.
Merry Christmas Zachary. We have a stocking ready for you and don’t wake us up too early. The tooth fairy is still on top of the tree.
Love you to the moon and back! Xoxo