Since the accident and Zachary’s death, I know I am different. I know that I have closed a book I never intended to close and been force to restart a new book. A new book of life after the accident. My life will forever be separated into before and after.
Due to this event, I have learned a great deal. I have chosen to be more compassionate to others. I have chosen to be grateful for every moment I have. I continue to chose everyday to make my life count towards something. Even if it’s just to smile more or laugh more. I try to be a good person and live life positively.
The thing I didn’t count on was that my tolerance of others frustration with the small things would be minimized. Don’t get me wrong everyone has the right to be frustrated, irritated, angry and/or sad at times. I don’t have a right to judge anyone’s journey. I do, however, have a right to call people on their rudeness and ill will towards others with the pure intention of being mean. Mean people are everywhere. Mostly it is ignorance that makes them act this way but I can’t tolerate it anymore.
I have recently had experiences that have taught me that toleration and acceptance of behavior are two different things. You can tolerate someone’s reaction if it is emotional. You do not have to accept or tolerate someone who tries to make you feel small. My tolerance is gone when someone thinks they can judge your walk, specifically my walk. What my pain is, how I am coping, or my knowledge. It’s just not ok.
My experience makes me pause and look at what has this person experienced to led them to act this way. Are my expectations to high of human behavior? I don’t think so. I hope not.
Tolerance of other people’s reactions to what seems minor to me in the after mode that I am living. The minor silly things that bend you out of shape. The way someone looks at you or the tone of voice are ok. It is when someone tries to speak with authority about something they have had no experience to compare to just to minimize you. For example, someone said to me, “You are too young to know what pain is really like!”. I was mad because they don’t know me or this journey. Another time I was told, “it’s been 2 years, should you be better by now?”. How do I just bite through my tongue and not rip into them. It haven’t although I’ve wanted to.
The moral of my story is that you don’t have to tolerate it. You are not the problem, they are. Never judge someone else’s journey until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.